I have been trying to find a solution for this for a long time. I have posted repeatedly and the posts don't seem to generate any interest. Like you, I think the entire friends mod is hindering the growth and usability of my site.
I currently have 2 mods installed. Between the two of them, I have partially solved my problem.
I installed Adfminmyfriend and autofriendrequest. Both are available in the Market.
I still don't understand why so many people are trying to follow in facebooks footsteps. The friend mod ONLY works if you have a site that services millions of users.
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